I'm a blogger....

I never thought this day would come, when I'd be blogging. I never thought that I was cool enough to have one, but here I am...The very essence of cool! I feel okay about this.

I guess that I just want to be able to express myself. I have never really had a problem doing that, but this is different. I want to be able to share the heart of me...something that is underneath all the stuff thats going on in my life. I say all the time how I've changed so much this past year. It's true, but I want others to see it as well. I also want to tell others about my experiences this summer while I'm away. I want to tell people about what God is doing, what is happening in this world that people are oblivious to. We are so consumed by all of our problems and desires, we can't fully appreciate life...me included. I hope to re-center this summer, starting now. I rely so heavily on my relationships, and my emotions go right along with them. I'm up and down and around with emotion. I have been working on not letting my emotions cripple me. I've gotten better at it, but its a process... But anyway, I need not rely on people but to rely on something that is within me, that is within all of us. The Spirit of God.

Part of the change in me has been my understanding of the Creator, and how I relate to this invisible incomprehensible God. My mind does this thing where it dwells on the things that are wrong in this world. I've gotten caught up with ideas of Hell and of pain. I have learned all my life in church that Christ has conquered death, sickness, and fear. But there are people out there who don't know that. There are people out there who have withered away to only a shell of the person they once were, or the person they could be. Not someone who does all the right things and says all the right things, but a person with a sense of purpose and love. I hurt for people and the what I've been doing to deal with it, is turning away. I turn away from trying to understand God. I will never understand what happens in this life. It's good to realize that and just trust God anyway. But I've not much much of that either. But when I pray I know that God has given me a passion to help unveil his kingdom thats in the midst of us. Because most of the time, I can't see it. I can't even see it in myself.

I'm sorry if what I said doesn't even make sense. My mind goes on tangents. ha I've said a lot for my first blog. But I guess I know what this blog is for now....It's the witness of a process of growth within me, a process of change along this incomprehensible journey.