This semester is ending so much different than I had originally planned. First, I find out that living-wise...next year is a big question mark. I want my friends to do what it is that they've wanted to do. But I've been hurt. "you know what they did? they kicked him in the penis. He was injured, injured bad" Thats how I feel. Like whoever that little black kid was alluding to in that commercial. I just feel dumb. I don't know what I was thinking, while under the impression these important people in my life would want to live with me. Those who I spend the most time with and share the most about myself with, are those who are the most important. I don't have certain friends because I can't find anyone else..it's because I care about them. I know that none of this stuff has happened because they don't like me and want to hurt me, but I can't help but to feel sad. I probably shouldn't be writing this on here for them to see. But I just want to express the feelings somehow. If we sit down and talk about it, they'll feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. I just deserve to have loving and supportive friends who want to be around me. I deserve to live with close friends and we can live life together. I think that people are also frustrated with me because I am now going to do something for MY self. I want to experience new things...if that means changing clubs..its okay! Just like my friends don't want to leave me, they just want something different. Feelings shouldn't be hurt and judgements shouldn't be made. I just can't keep trying to hold onto to things.
I thought that I had everything planned out. But God has something in store for me I guess.. I'm excited to live with different people next year. God will work for the good in this situation. I am not bitter or mad about anything. I just feel weird. God has placed some awesome people in my life that are coming alongside me to support me too. Its like God telling me that I'm not always in control of everything. It is just preparing me for when I go to Haiti and will just have to go with the flow. It will be unlike anything I could plan for.
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